So this is it
You and me
So we did
Everything we need to see
We sat and talked for hours and hours
I even bought you your favourite flowers
But all I can see
Is an end
To you and me
So after all this time
You’ve decided that our love was not divine
All the time that we crushed
All the time that me kissed and made up
But all it seemed to be
Was a stalling to the end of
You and me
See I’ve got a theory
About you and me
You just needed to itch that special itch
And your actually an evil bitch
Love is blind Shakespeare once said
Well if it leaves one blind then your better off dead
So this is the end of you and me
For you see
It is better for my sanity
That I end
You and me
For you treated my love like a cheap lunch
Which you teared and chewed
And later poo-pooed
So this is the end
Of you and me
For it is better for me to be me
So this is it
With The Sun On Sunday being released in just other 24 hours I thought it might be a fun idea for me to come up with a number of possible headlines for them to publish. Starting with:
We’re Back (simple like many sun readers)
Hello World The Sun Says Hello (a reference to its predecessor and acknowledging itself)
*insert celebrity name* Exclusive Story (likely headline to open up there career of smearing and fake stories)
We’re Not hacking Your Phones We Promise. (Jumping straight to the point with an audacious lie)
And the most likely back page story:
Football team wins a game!!!!
(because that’s all it ever is)
The other night I yet again found myself watching “I’m a celebrity get me out of here” in which Z list celebrities humiliate themselves on tv in order to revamp their career or just to appear on telly for an extra three weeks of the year so more people can see how much of a cock they really are.
After the last paragraph you are probably wondering why I was watching this and have come to the ultimate conclusion that I am a boring git who does nothing else but complain about anything and everything. You’d be right about the conclusion on me but the reason I had been watching it was fairly simple. In the opening episode I saw what people they had put in the middle of the jungle that just so happened to have a power source near it so they could film it and decided that if I wanted anyone to win it it was to be Antony cotton. After a few nights of realising that there was much better telly was on I started watching small parts of it and, as I discovered the other night, I was watching it religiously like a stalker watches its victim from the near by bushes with binoculars in one hand and camera in the next one.
This came to an ultimate end when Atony was kicked off and I had no other reason to watch it. The realisation of my viewing came to my awareness when I had, without thinking, posted about his kicking out on Facebook telling everyone that he shouldn’t of been kicked out. It was a couple of hours after this mindless and tedious post that a friend of mine asked why is was watching that crap and how shocked he was that I was watching it. After pointing this out I was shocked myself and come to the quick conclusion that I had been sucked into this world of D-rate television and I would allow for this to happen.
After a while I then started wondering why I started watching it and how it had started to effect me to the extent that I had then felt the need to follow it in such away that it obliterated all other telly in its wake.
My first idea is that because it’s so simple and easy to follow that you don’t need to have any sort of intelligence or understanding you can just sit and watch. This then puts it ahead of all comedy that isn’t a panel show or sketches as they often need to have a story or have a key topic to follow e.g. Have I got news for you which requires you have followed current affairs and this rules out a certain percentage of the public who can’t even be bothered to read a news paper or catch a glimpse of the news. This theory is backed up by the viewing figures of other shows like this such as X Factor (11.98 million) and strictly come dancing (10.68 million) which proves that these type of shows are able to grab the most amount of viewers due to its shear simpleness and lack of need for intelligence. This idea is most probably supported by the fact that the people who watch these on a constant loop tend to be the dregs do society living on benefits or are in dead end jobs that are going no where so they use this as an way to escape they meaningless lives. I am not in either of these situations as I believe my self to be quite intelligent and as a student if I try my best the world will be at my feet to do as I wish.
Although the first idea has some truth my second is based upon the idea that coupled with this that you loss yourself control. This idea is based upon the Facebook status I was talking about earlier and i didn’t put any thought into what I had typed or why I had typed it I just did it. Which is worrying because if I didn’t actually want to type it or had any recollection of doing it it posses the idea that your IQ drops to such a point at the whim of the hosts if they mention the words harsh tag or status you feel the need to do it as of you’ve been hypnotised into a computer that just does as these people wish.
After these ideas I have come to the conclusion that by doing this you have managed to loss your soul to these tv devils and that if you were to subject yourself to this on a constant basis you would come up with the delusion that you could become these people and could reach these positions if supposed “fame”. There are people in the world who act like this and they are utter morons who have no idea of what to do for an career so they form there own but lack an sort of talent to do it or the money to bribe themselves into a situation to do it. This then proves my point of ripping put your soul as many people would be willing to sell there soul in order to reach this position of power.
This year has seen a new celebrity big brother ( I don’t know why they call it celebrity big brother as they’ve all failed to do anything amazing with just one exception which I’ll come to later). To help those like myself who are cultured, enlightened people who don’t like crap celebrity gossip I will be giving my own unique view of these people and what they’ve failed to achieve.
I’ll start with Michael Madsen. As I mentioned earlier there was one exception to the rule that they have failed to do anything amazing with his life and this man is it. The reasoning behind this is that he started in one of the best films of the last 20 years which was Reservoir Dogs. This film was made by Quentin Tarrentino and in this he played the mentalist that was Mr Blond. His most famous scene was chopping off the policeman’s ear and I can only hope that this is repeated in order to increase what will be another dull reality TV show that after this is finished I will forget about as its on channel 5.
Next is Sonia from Eastenders (I don’t care for her real name) and she is the start of my cynical and fairly bitchy analysis of their failed careers. Having stared in eastenders (the most depressing TV in the universe) I’m surprised that she has not yet tried to kill herself after having to act (I use this word very lightly) the story lines of miscarriage, suicide and incest love (or what ever they do. It might as well be set in someones stomach for all I care.) but here she is on our tv screens again in something equally as rubbish but on a channel that is watched by lonely women or horny men. This means that she is likely to have ‘act’ her way through this in order to reach this point that she is acceptable to the viewing public which will take an awful lot as she’s never been able do this in her entire life so far.
Target number 2 is Frankie Cocozza who’s famous for taking cocaine whilst on xfactor and was thrown out because of this. Despite his apparent addiction he is fairly fat and comes across as a bit of a c**t from the outset. Before entering the house it claimed he slept with 90 women which is probably untrue but a fact they do not point out is that he probably has a cock the size of a super small grape or apple seed. This all I can say about him as he his a genuine nobody.
Number 3 is the twins who have slept with Hugh Hefner. They are famous for this and just this and are likely to sleep with some moron like Frankie or the next person to be analysed which is…
Kirk from TOWIE has entered the house as he is not content with being on the telly on a constant basis he has now made an attempt to extent his trade of reality tv to a new piece of crap that has managed to resurrect its self like some sort of mythical being that people believed was god. He said he planed to take other people clothes off which, don’t quote me on this, may constitute as sexual assault.
Natasha Giggs has joined the ranks of the bb people and the only thing she has actually done is sleep with Ryan Giggs. Im pretty sure she will talk about there sex life and it’s utter lack of surprise as every body already knows about it.
There is Andrew from pineapple express who seems like a genuine person and is very camp at the same time. If I do end up watching it it will be him that I will like the most as he might the nicest guy in there. Or I’ll hate him but then again I hate most things.
Romeo is my next person and he was in so solid crew who had one top ten hit and then split up amongst arrests. He says he will represent those from a council estate but I’m
pretty sure that even them will hate him just on the basis he wears a suit and can form a coherent sentence.
Gareth was a rugby player and has managed some amazing achievements in his life time but here he is and this has the full potential to ruin a perfectly good reputation. I hope it doesn’t but it is absolutely bound to if he does something stupid.
Nicola McLean has entered the house as yet another piece of tart to try and get the rating up as well as one of the men’s attentions. Shes famous for appearing on page 3 over 300 times which now counts as a career and not a cheap form of prostitution apparently. She joins with the twins as being models and it’s becoming a trend with everything that is channel 5 to be just a load of crap with a half naked woman in it.
The second to last Contestant does not buck this trend and it’s Georgia Salpa who is famous for getting undressed (a real classy show has been made here with over half either planning to or has been payed to get undressed). She can also have the claim of sleeping with Callum Best. Alongside many other women that have inhabited an area with in five miles of were ever he may be. She does look like Kim Kardashian which is not a massively good thing as she’s only famous for making a sex tape. She is likely to get the boot later then most of the others as she will more then likely spend a lot of time in the showers in order to get perverts to keep her in.
The last person to enter the house was Denise Welch who is from Coronation Street (a happier version of eastenders) and occasionally ends up on loose women. She is looking forward to it and said it was going to be like a big party but by the way they’ve chosen the contestants channel 5 wants it to be a big televised orgy.
So this is your guide to a TV program that we will not watch and will likely be ignored by a vast majority of the intelligent people of our nation. I doubt this as they are a minority but still I can live in hope as I have done for most of these set of occasions
Well the New Year has come (been and gone by the time anyone ever reads it) and it time booze, parties, loud music and people making things they know they’ll never keep (why we feel the need to do this confuses me but alas a lot does these days). As we come to look back upon the last year you cannot help but feel a lack of remorse for anyone in power as they have been proved to be assholes, yet to be proven assholes or are dead at the hands of there own people or a government hell bent on ruling the world. David Cameron proved to be both an asshole and a moron by pushing Britain to the edge of the E.U. which will result in the collapse of our currency yet again. Sarkozy and Merkel have both proved themselves as good friends as well as a pair of pricks for ‘forcing’ Cameron into that situation. I say forcing but he should have listened to Clegg for once but alas his head was welded into his arse for this matter. Berlusconi and the greek guy both suffered loss of power. Although Berlusconi is still the leading media tycoon in Italy and is likely be a kingmaker for the next few presidents and will eventually end up in power or found dead after some weird sex move went horribly wrong.
The only person who is yet to be proved to be an arsehole is Obama who has managed to save an economy, kill a terrorist and stop and oil spill with his own bare hands. He faces a challenge next year with an election he will surely loss to a right-wing moron and we will yet again face another war in some middlea-easten country for some reason other then the large quantities of oil it possess.
Those who have died are Osama Bil-Laden, who has been killed by the US marines but has no body to prove this. He was top of the world most wanted list, was hated by every perpetual retard in america (which is, let’s face it, a majority of its population). When he died a vast majority of the US population probably came with relief and by the looks of fox news so did all of the reports live on air. Next on the list was Gaddaffi who was brutally murdered by his own people but that was ok because he was an arsehole and he probably once told Cameron and Sarkozy that they should get a room instead of airing there relationship in public. If murdering him was ok I wonder how well go down if we dragged Cameron/Clegg/Milliband through the street then blew his brains out in the street. All three of these people are on the same par as Gaddaffi just not as hated by there people yet. Apparently.
With the next year looming over us like a dentist that has pinned you in chair and is attempting to rip out a tooth with a pair of pliers we must now look ahead to see what we are up against and how we will loss to it like a fight with mike tyson. 1st thing we’ve got is a return of recession to Europe which would not only prove Merkel and Sarkozy wrong but also bring Cameron to his knees and with a bit of luck split the coalition in two and push for a new election. This will either bring the tories, labour or a new coalition to power but I can’t see the lib-dems recovering from the last 2 years for another 30. The 2nd we face will be The election of a new president in Egypt, Libya and the USA which will see all of them elect someone we don’t like with both Egypt and Libya looking to a new muslim leadership which will see the US reacting in its usual oh no they’ve elected al-quedia to the helm stance. The US will elected a republican leader who will the new bush and as stated earlier will cause yet another oil war for some reason or another syria being my location of choice. Our final step of what’s not to look forward to and how we are going to loss to it in a bad fight in the fact that the myan calendar ends on the 21st of december and we will all die. Now if this is true we will all die before christmas so therefore we do not have to buy presents but if it is wrong, which it is most likely is, there is going to be made rushes of panic buying of mindless crap that nobody wants but like me has hoped that the world would end in order to save some cash. In response to this large companies like hmv (if they still in existence) will have a “we survived the end of the world so buy are meaningless crap” sale which is a fate worse then dying in a mass fireball that will engulf the world anyway.
Happy new year all and hope you all look forward to the dull meaning less lives that will be affected in every way by people who are about as likeable a child created by cancer and hitler.